


Summer Boys

by cosidrix



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Cheating, Children to Teenagers, Emotional Infidelity, Fluff, Growing Up Together, Infidelity, Keith can't swim, Keith is autistic, Keith is korean, Kid Fic, Lance loves water, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multiple Years, Non-Graphic Smut, Nonbinary Character, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, Summer Vacation, Vacation, and you can all kiss my ass bc that boy is by no means neurotypical, hunk is.... good, keith has dependency issues, lance has ADHD, lance teaches keith to swim, like super minor like he's not even mentioned until it happens, pidge is nonbinary, they spend summers together, this boy aint neurotypical
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-07-27 09:27:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7612774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosidrix/pseuds/cosidrix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lance and Keith's relationship grows as they do from the age of 11 to 17, as each summer they both visit the same tiny lake town and end up falling in love with each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm pretty sure I'm going to do a chapter for every two or three years (so probably around 3, 4 chapters???question mark???? honestly) idk 
> 
> There is underage sex but it's just like "handjob me so i can see if im gay" kinda thing yfm??? i'll let you know in the notes for that chapter if you decide you don't want to read it. and it's not gonna be graphic at all. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

11.

 

It’s a hot summer, and a boy with bright eyes and brown waves runs past. Keith moves out of his way quickly and watches him with trained eyes. His skin is dark but his freckles are darker still, and he looks like he’s covered in stars, or black holes, or something else not of this world. Keith scrunches his nose. He’s come here every summer with his family and never once has he seen this boy.

He sprints down the bank, kicking up sand and yelling something Keith can’t decipher. In his wake follows two more children. One is tiny, nearly as pale as Keith with big glasses and thin limbs, the other much bigger with sunny yellow swim trunks on and a smile that could light up the world. Keith stumbles back a bit to get out of their path and watches in fascination as the freckled one runs up the dock and, with no hesitation, leaps off, all flailing arms and screaming and laughing. The two that followed stop at the edge of the dock and wait for their friend to come up. 

When he does, he lets out a wild shout, splashing the water around him. He’s so full of kinetic energy, movement, smiles. Somehow, Keith finds it’s hard to look away. 

“Is it cold?” The boy in yellow trunks asks. 

“Not at all!” The one in the water replies happily. 

Hesitantly, Keith’s bare feet touch sand, and he moves a little closer to them. 

The one with the big glasses tugs at the edge of their t-shirt when the yellow one asks, “Want to jump in with me?” They look down at their feet and he adds on, “It’s okay if you’re nervous, I can go first and help you in.”

This lifts their spirits a little and they smile, “Okay.” 

Within a minute or two, the three children are in the water splashing around and laughing. Keith sits down on the edge of the dock, kicking the water with his feet and staring at the dismal reflection it provides him. 

“Hey!” 

He looks up, and the loud boy is paddling over to him. His friends are still out in the lake, seemingly oblivious that one has left their ranks. Keith is given a smile but doesn’t return it, instead watches the boy with scrutiny. 

“What’s your name?” He asks. 

“Keith Kogane.” Keith replies stonily. 

“Are you Chinese?” 

Keith bites back, “No, I’m _Korean_.” 

“Oh. Sorry. I’m Cuban, you know.” He grins. 

“From Cuba?” Keith narrows his eyes. 

“Yeah, I was born there.” The boy said proudly. “My name is Lance! I’m twelve."

Keith nods. 

Lance kicks at the water for a second, thinking of something to say. “Those are my friends, too. Hunk is the one in yellow,” Lance turns to point, “And the one in green is Pidge!”

“What parent names their child  _ Pidge _ ?” 

“Their parents didn’t name them, they named themselves.” Lance says matter-of-factly. 

“Oh.” Keith wiggles his toes under the water. 

“Why is your hair so long?” 

Keith reached up and touched his hair, shiny and black as the night, just barely reaching his shoulders. “I like it long.” 

“Do your sisters ever braid it?” 

“I only have one sister. She doesn’t live with us.” Keith replied, not meeting Lance’s eyes.

“Oh. I have lots of sisters. Three, actually. They braid each other’s hair. I could braid your hair if you’d like!” He offered excitedly. 

“No.” Keith said quickly. 

Lance asks, “Oh. Okay. Well… do you want to swim with us?”

“No.”

“Why not?” 

“Because I said no.”

“But  _ why _ ?” 

“Because I can’t swim!” Keith says a little too loud, a little too defensively. 

Lance furrows his brow, “What do you mean you can’t swim?”

“I  _ can’t _ .” Keith shot back. 

“Why?” 

“No one’s ever taught me.” He shrugged. 

Lance swam up closer to the dock and rested his arms on it. “Why not try now?” 

Keith rolled his eyes, “I’ll drown.”

“You’re not gonna drown, I’ll be right here to help you.” Lance reassured him. He was so sure of himself, so positive that nothing could ever go wrong. Keith hated people like that. He knew first hand that plenty of things can go wrong. 

“I don’t want to.” Keith wouldn’t look him in the eye. 

“Okay, whatever you say.” Lance turned and swam off, back to his friends. 

Keith huffed and stood, shaking off his feet. He despised the fact that Lance was better than him at something. He crossed his arms and stalked off from the lake, the sound of children’s laughter and shouting being left behind. 

 

Though he can’t swim, Keith can paddleboard. And so he does, later into the evening (when Lance and his terrible, loud friends have deserted the lake and he is alone) when the soft pink glow of the setting sun is pouring over the water. He’s strapped into a life vest, gently pushing along against the waves until he’s nearly to the other side of the lake. He kicks his feet in the water, still bothered about Lance. He wasn’t sure why he was so  _ angry  _ that this random boy could be better at something than he was. Who even cares whether you could swim or not? No one. It’s just a dumb, stupid thing that people do.

_ I can swim.  _ Keith thought haughtily. “I can swim.” 

He unhooked the clips on his life jacket and threw it down onto the board in front of him. Now vulnerable over the wide expanse of water, he shuddered a little. How hard could it be? He was a smart boy. He could do anything if he set his mind to it,  _ obviously. _

And so he did. He leapt off the board, pushing it away from him, and swam. 

Or, rather flailed and splashed than swum. The waves were guiding his board away from him now, his lifejacket sliding off the slick plastic and into the water. He was struggling desperately to keep his head afloat, kicking his legs and breathing heavy. 

“Help!” He screamed, the end of the word being muddled by the water making way into his mouth. “Please! Help!” Tears were forming in his eyes, his lungs and legs burning. His throat was raw from screaming and finally an arm wrapped around his middle and was shoving him towards his board. 

Initially, he kicked away from the object touching him, but when he heard a familiar, “Oof!” When his foot made contact, he calmed down a little. 

“Stop! I’m trying to help!” The voice defended, pushing him to his board. 

Gracelessly, he climbed atop it, all sprawling limbs and shaky breaths. He was in tears now, shaking, and Lance looked up at him with wide dark eyes, resting his arms on the board. “Are you okay?” 

“I didn’t need your help!” Keith shouted. 

“It looked like you did--” 

Furiously, Keith wiped at his eyes, “I thought you left the lake!”

“Pidge lost their necklace, I was down here looking for it--”

“Just leave me alone! I can  _ swim! _ ” 

“Keith, it’s okay--”

Keith spat through his teeth, “Leave me  _ alone _ , Lance!” 

Lance gently pushed himself away from the board, hurt crossing his childlike features. “I’m sorry, I was trying to help…”

“Well,  _ don’t _ .” Keith’s tone was venomous, and took Lance aback. He clutched at the life jacket, white-knuckled and face flushed. His eyes hadn’t stopped watering, and angrily he wiped the tears away, hand splashing in the water when he threw it back down. 

“I could help you, you know.” Lance raised his eyebrows, speaking softly. 

“What are you talking about?” Keith couldn’t dare meet the other boy’s eyes. 

Lance shrugged, “I mean… help you learn how to swim.”

“I don’t need you to teach me how to swim, I already can.” Keith narrowed his eyes, studying the water, face red as a tomato in his embarrassment. 

“Yeah, you… looked like you had it down perfect.” He ducked his head and smiled a little, despite himself. 

Keith replied by splashing him in the face. 

“Hey!” Lance chuckled and splashed him back, “I’m just trying to help.”

Keith weighed his options, biting his lip and picking at his cuticles. There was an expanse of silence before he sighed and conceded, “Fine.” 

“You’ll let me?” Lance’s eyes lit up. 

“No-- yes, but you can’t tell anyone!” Keith hissed, glaring at him. 

Lance nodded, “Okay, when do you want to meet?” 

“Um. I don’t know.”

Lance took a moment of consideration, “We could sneak out tonight and come onto the lake when no one’s out here, then no one will know!” 

“But that’s not allowed!”

“Then don’t tell anyone.” Lance grinned, his eyes alight.

Keith gaped at him for a second before dropping his head, “Okay. Are you sure we won’t get in trouble?”

“Positive! Pidge and I would sneak out here sometimes and build sandcastles at night.” Lance did a spin in the water as he spoke. 

Keith wrung his hands. “Okay. What time should we meet?”

Lance took a moment of deliberation. “At eleven?”

Keith nodded. 

“Okay. I’ll meet you by the dock. Make sure no one sees you!” Lance cautioned, beginning to backstroke away from Keith. 

Keith watched as Lance smiled, then turned abruptly and disappeared beneath the water, swimming back to the bank. Hesitantly, he accepted his defeat and put the life jacket back on, paddling back to shore. 

 

The next time Keith sees Lance, it’s well after dinner, and his father sent him to bed a few hours ago. He could faintly hear him talking to his grandmother in the living room, and so he decided that then was his chance. The clock said 10:54 in bright artificial red, which would make it eleven by the time he got to the dock. He kicked the blankets off his body in a hurry-- he had put his trunks on under his pajama bottoms-- and opened his creaky window as quietly as he could. His grandmother lived in this tiny cabin and every summer for the past four years he’d spend a couple weeks in this very room, so he knew how the window creaked and which floorboards would whine in protest under his measly weight. 

Sparing one more apprehensive glance over his shoulder at the door, where the hallway light streamed in under the frame, beckoning him not to make this reckless decision (the first of many he would make with Lance). 

Without much grace, he climbed out of the window, and with the gentle hushed sound of his bare feet hitting the sand, his decision was made. He, for some ungodly reason, felt as though he was obligated to follow Lance in any of his endeavors, and as though it wasn’t much of an obligation at all. 

By the time he got to the dock, Lance was there, kicking his feet in the wate r. The sound of the old wood creaking as Keith stepped onto it made the other boy turn. Lance stood and smiled. 

“Ready for your swim lesson?” He said excitedly, hands on his hips. 

Keith nervously pulled his hair back into a ponytail with a spare hair tie he’d picked up before leaving. “Um, I think so.” 

“Don’t be nervous,” Lance assured him, walking to the stepladder that led into the water, which was pitch black in the night. The moon was full overhead and cast a shimmery, silver light onto the two boys. Lance, as though not bothered by the chill, sank into the water as though he was meant to be there. Keith would’ve believed it if you told him that were true. 

Keith shook his head, “I’m not.” 

“Good,” Lance smiled, “Because it’s not scary as all, you know. There’s nothing in the water that could hurt you. The water loves you, it wants you to have fun, it wants you to enjoy your time and to be comfortable with it.” 

Keith wanted to smile but refrained. 

Lance, after a small pause, continued. “Anyway, it’s gonna be fun, I promise. Here, come down the ladder.”

Keith, despite himself, trusted Lance-- at least a little-- and so he began to descend the stepladder. He recoiled at first, “It’s cold!” He exclaimed. 

Lance laughed, “Yeah, it’s nighttime.” 

Keith, who couldn’t bear to seem weaker than the boy behind him, braved the chill and forced himself into the water, gritting his teeth.

Lance said, “Okay. Now let go of the ladder.”

“What?” Keith said incredulously, “No!”

“Keith, I’m right here--” 

“No, no, no!” Keith began to climb the ladder again, “This was a bad idea, I’m going home!”

“Keith, no! Don’t! C’mon!” Lance insisted. 

“No!”

“Keith--”

“I don’t want to! I’ll get hurt!”

“You’re not gonna get hurt, I’m right here to protect you!” Lance grabbed the bottom of Keith’s shorts. 

Keith deliberated for a long second. 

“Keith, please, just trust me.” Lance pleaded, hand still gripping the shorts. 

Keith shut his eyes tight and slid back into the water. 

“Let go of the ladder,” Lance said gently. 

Keith bit his lip, “I’m… I’m scared.” 

Lance touched his back, “It’s okay to be scared. Let me help you stop being scared.” 

Keith turned to glare at him over his shoulder. 

“I’ll make sure you don’t drown, okay?” Lance promised. 

Keith nodded. “Fine. I’m letting go now.” 

Lance had a secure hold on his middle as Keith began to float away from the dock. “Now start paddling your arms and legs.” Keith begrudgingly did as he was told, and after a minute or two of that, Lance declared, “Okay, I’m going to let go now.” 

“Are-- are you sure? I don’t want to drown--” Keith could feel his heartbeat picking up in fear. 

“I know you don’t want to drown, which is why I’m not gonna let you.” Lance promised. “Just keep moving, okay? You won’t drown unless you  _ choose _ to.”

“That’s not how drowning works!” Keith exclaimed.

“Just trust me,” Lance said gently. 

Keith took a deep breath, “Okay…” 

Lance let go of him and Keith struggled for a few long moments to keep his head afloat. Lance was always nearby as Keith paddled his way back towards the dock. Lance gave him encouragement the whole way there, and by the time Keith’s hands gripped the ladder, Lance was cheering. “You did it! You did it, Keith! You swam!” He was gleeful, splashing the water. Keith shied away from the droplets as he smiled. 

“I--I did!” Keith chuckled to himself. 

“You know what this means, right?” Lance raised his eyebrows.

Keith looked confused, “What?”

“You gotta race me across the the lake!” Lance took off into the darkness of the water. 

“No, I can’t!” Keith insisted, “I’m not that good yet!”

Lance spun around, “Oh, okay. Well maybe next summer!” 

Keith furrowed his brow, “Next summer?”

“Yeah, my aunt owns the house we’re staying in and she invited back again next summer. You live here right?” 

“No, I come here every July, my grandmother lives here.” Keith explained. 

“Oh, good!” Lance smiled. 

Keith found himself mirroring his grin and he looked away. 

Lance swam a bit closer, “Hey, Hunk and Pidge and I are going to hike in the forest tomorrow, do you want to come with us?” 

Keith shrugged, “If… if you want me to.” 

Lance nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah, of course! We’re friends now, aren’t we?” 

Keith couldn’t wipe the smile of his face. 

 

They spent the rest of the summer joined at the hip. Keith did become a slightly stronger swimmer towards the end of the month, and Lance taught him how to do “wicked cannonballs”. Sometimes when Keith wasn’t looking, Lance would find himself smiling at him just a little, but looking away when he realized what he was doing. At the end of the summer, Lance enveloped Keith in the tightest hug he could, telling him that he couldn’t wait for next summer. As his car was driving away, he hung out the window and shouted, “Next time, I’ll teach you how to dive! Bye Keith!” 

Keith felt his heart sink as the van disappeared onto the forest road. He dropped his waving hand, and his face lost it’s smile. He finally had learned what it was like to have a friend.


	2. Chapter 2

12.

 

The next time Keith sees Lance, he’s a little taller, his hair is a little shorter, his smile wider (somehow). He’s been at his grandmother’s house for a week this summer before Lance arrived, and he spent most of the time anxious that Lance wasn’t going to come. But when he heard a banging on the door as he was reading Harry Potter for the millionth time, his heart leapt. 

“Kyong!” His grandmother shouted from the end of the hall, “Your friend!” 

Keith couldn’t get out of his bed fast enough. In fact, he nearly tripped when his foot was caught in his blanket. He raced down the hall and found himself face to face with the boy in question. He had an oversized green jacket on-- he’d later explain that he was given it from an older brother-- that nearly reached his knees, though it was at least eighty-five degrees outside. He was freckly-- unbelievably freckly-- and he’d lost a tooth in his bottom row. Keith didn’t say anything before he wrapped Lance up in a hug, knocking him backwards a few steps. 

“Keith!” Lance laughed, hugging him tightly, “I’m taller than you now!”

Keith grinned, burying his face in his friend’s neck. Finally, he pulled back and looked at Lance, really looked at him. His face was a little sharper than it had been before, features shaping handsomely. Keith felt butterflies in his stomach but couldn’t pinpoint why. He took another step back, “Um, where’s your friends?” 

“Hunk and Pidge? They’re back at my aunt’s house getting set up.” Lance explained, jamming his fists into his pockets.   
“Should we go see them?” Keith asked.

Lance rocked back on forth, “Um, we can, but-- I wanted to see if you wanted to go to the dock with me.”

“Alone?” Keith raised his eyebrows. 

“Um…” Lance kicked the dirt with the tip of his boot, “If you w

-ant to.”

“Sure!” He said a little too enthusiastically, “I just, uh-- I have to be home for dinner.”

Lance nodded, “Of course. Here, I know a shortcut.”

 

Keith and Lance stood on the edge of the dock, rolling up the ends of their jeans and shedding their jackets. 

“How was your school year?”  Lance asked. 

“Good,” Keith started on the other pant leg, “I had the highest grade in my class.” 

Lance smiled at him and Keith felt like it might be the best gift he’s ever been given. “That’s awesome!”

Keith pulled his hair back into a half bun at the nape of his neck, “Um, yeah I guess so. How was yours?”

“Pretty good. I joined a swim team.” Lance sat down and stuck his feet into the water. 

Keith joined him, “Oh, that’s really cool!”

“Yeah, except I have to swim in the winter and it’s pretty cold.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah.”

The stared out into the water, the little waves reflecting like diamonds in the afternoon sun. The heat was beating down on them both, and Keith opened his mouth to make a comment about how they should go swimming, how Keith’s gotten pretty good at it, how he wants to take Lance up on the diving lesson he offered last summer, but all these thoughts disappeared as Lance hooked his pinkie finger around Keith’s. 

Keith straightened up a little, sparing one quick glance down at their hands. Lance’s much darker skin was a contrast against his own snowy tone. He felt his breath catch, and they remained like that for a long moment, kicking their feet in the water, joined by their fingers. Keith felt like he might know the mysterious feelings that all the other boy’s in his grade have been talking about. 

It’s over too soon, however, as suddenly there’s shouting from behind them and they jolt their hands away as though it never happened. 

“Keith!” Pidge yelled, running up with a big smile. 

“Hey, Keith.” Hunk followed behind, wearing a grin as wide as Pidge’s. “We were looking for you guys.” 

“We took a walk,” Lance replied coolly. 

“Oh,” Pidge replied, unbothered. Keith noticed that they had gotten new glasses, and somehow this pair was bigger than the last. “Did you guys want to go swimming?”

“Sure,” Lance said. Keith noticed that the idea of swimming always excited him. He liked that about him, though he once again wasn’t sure what that meant.

Keith, whose face maintained its pinkish hue from what had previously happened, tugged on his jacket. “I have to go change first.”

“Me too,” Lance agreed, grabbing his coat as well. 

“We can meet you guys back down here in a couple minutes?” Keith offered. 

Pidge and Hunk agreed, and Keith and Lance began to walk off the dock. Behind them, Keith could hear Hunk tentatively ask Pidge if they wanted to jump in, then a gentle, “Hey, don’t worry, I’ll help you in.” 

Keith wanted to ask Lance what that was about, why he touched him, why he didn’t explain himself, or maybe if Lance felt the same jolt in his heart when their skin touched. Or maybe if Lance wanted that to happen again. Or maybe if Lance would be mad if Keith said he wanted that to happen again. 

But instead, he kept it all to himself, hoping that Lance might just be a mindreader. 

 

It was halfway through their vacation when Keith and his father sat on the couch together,  _ Jeopardy!  _ going mostly unwatched as Keith fiddled with a Rubix cube in his lap. His dad looked over at him and then turned down the volume on the television. 

“Uh, Kyong…” He began. 

“Yeah?” Keith didn’t spare him a lot as he continued fidgeting.

“So, the neighbor’s nephew, um…”

Keith supplied, “Lance.”

“Yes, Lance.” His father paused, “You two are getting along well?” 

Keith nodded. 

His father always had concerns for his son’s well-being around other children. Keith was typically oblivious to the carefully watchful eye, but Mr. Kogane protected his son with a great deal of determination. It was difficult enough immigrating from Korea, but add that on top of his son’s anger issues and inability to relate to other children, he hadn’t really gotten along with his classmates. 

Mr. Kogane adjusted his glasses. “He’s not giving you a hard time about anything is he?”

“What do you mean?” Keith finally let up on his intense focus on the toy and looked to his father confusedly. 

“Like, uh, I don’t know. Making fun of you, or--”  
“Lance would never do that. He’s my best friend.” Keith looked back to the Rubix cube. 

Mr. Kogane faltered for a second, a tiny smile growing on his face. He’d never heard of his son ever having a best friend. “He is?”

“Yes. Pidge and Hunk are my friends, too.” 

Mr. Kogane chuckled, “Alright. Just wanted to make sure.”

Keith stood up and set the toy down onto the side table. He yawned, taking his hair out of the ponytail and shaking the dark waves loose. “I’m going to sleep.”

“Oh, well, okay. Goodnight, son.” Mr. Kogane wondered to himself if he’d ever get a single  _ I love you, Dad _ out of his son. He tried to put it out of his mind. 

That night, Keith sunk into his blankets, wrapping them tightly around his skinny body. He bit his lip, listening to soft forest sounds he could hear through the measly thin glass of his window. He didn’t like the room he stayed in. It was too much like the one he had in Korea, too familiar and unsettling. Sometimes, when he closed his eyes, he thought he could hear his parents fighting again, like how they used to. He didn’t speak Korean well, but he knew words of hate when he heard them, and for months, up until he was seven and he moved to America with his father, where his grandmother promised a better life, those words were all he heard each night. 

That, and the creaking of his door being opened, and his little four year old sister climbing into bed with him, unable to sleep with all the fighting just down the hall.

Keith remembered exactly how it felt to cup his hands over her ears to not know what to say when she asked why they were fighting. He remembered picking her up and taking her back to her bedroom when she was finally asleep. He remembered looking at her, small and innocent, undeserving of the tension in the walls. He remembered that she had darker skin than his parents, even himself, and wondering if that had something to do with the shouting too close and too loud for little ears. 

Keith, now lying in bed on the other side of the world, wondered whose room Areum would seek asylum in when she couldn’t sleep. Who was going to hum lullabies to her? Who was going to brush her hair in the morning when their parents are busy? 

He could feel wetness growing around his eyes. He wiped the tears away angrily, as though if he removed them fast enough, he could pretend they hadn’t been there. 

He thought he might hate his father for moving them so far away. He wondered if that was okay to feel. 

 

“Why does your family call you Kyong?” Lance asked. 

They lazed in tubes out in the lake, just the two of them, as Pidge and Hunk were building sandcastles on the bank. They were joined by their hands, (“So we don’t float away from each other,” Lance had reasoned, “Like  _ otters! _ ”) both their eyes closed. Or, Lance  _ thought _ both their eyes were closed, but Keith had been looking over at the other boy, drying water droplets on his bare chest shimmery in the late afternoon light. He thought he might be something people would call beautiful. 

“It’s my name.” Keith replied, looking away from him. 

“I thought your name was Keith.” Lance furrowed his brow. 

Keith shrugged, “Keith is my American name. My Korean name, my real one, is Kyong Chul Kogane.”

Lance said excitedly, “That’s cool! Does everyone have a Korean name?”

“Not unless you’re Korean, I think.” Keith smiled to himself. 

“Oh. That’s cool, too.” Lance kicked his foot into the water, sending a spray of droplets into the air. He leaned forward to be showered in them, cooling himself off. Keith watched in fascination but quickly looked away when Lance glanced over at him. “Do you miss me when I go back home?” 

Keith thought about it for a moment. It was Lance’s last day here at the lake, he’d be leaving the state to go back home tomorrow morning. He wondered if that was the anxiety pooling in his gut whenever he thought about Lance and his friends leaving. They’d grown so close, especially this summer. Keith and Pidge were the ultimate nerdy duo, always talking about  _ Harry Potter  _ or  _ Star Wars  _ or whatever other special interest Keith had adopted at the time. Hunk had even taught Keith a bit about his Hawaiian culture in exchange for Keith sharing some of his experiences in Korea. And Lance… Lance was just  _ Lance.  _ He had a peculiar way of taking up all of Keith’s attention when he was around. Keith used to find it annoying, but now-- he wasn’t sure how he found it. 

“I don’t know. I guess.” Keith replied, unsure. “Are… um, do  _ you _ miss me?”

“Yeah.” Lance didn’t skip a beat. “Of course I do.”

Keith asked, “Like how you miss your school friends during the summer?”

“Kind of. But not really. It’s different.” Lance closed his eyes again, tilting his head back towards the sun, eyes gently falling closed. 

“Oh.” Keith replied dumbly, unable to come up with something better, glowing under the idea that he could be something  _ different  _ to Lance. 

 

Night had come. Lance’s family always built a bonfire in the sand on their last evening at the lake, and Keith had been invited. He was squeezed on a wooden log between Pidge and Lance, Hunk occupying the space on Lance’s other side. Pidge leaned their head onto Keith’s arm, dozing off. The stars overhead were shining like gems, reflected on the glassy lake. It was a little chilly, and the kids had a big woven quilt thrown over their laps, given to them from Lance’s abuelita. She was now sitting across from them, on the other side of the big fire, speaking to the other family members. Keith looked over to Hunk, who was playing something on his Gameboy. Lance was staring at the fire, lips slightly parted. 

“You shouldn’t stare at the fire, I don’t think it’s good for your eyes.” Keith advised. 

Lance blinked and looked to him, “Oh, sorry, I was just kind of spacing out.” He leaned around Keith and looked at Pidge, who was now snoring peacefully on Keith’s shoulder. “I think they’re drooling on you.”

Keith looked down onto their arm, and certain enough, Pidge was. Keith smiled, “That’s fine. At least they’re sleeping.”

“Yeah.” Lance said, a twinge of sadness to his words. “They get homesick easily and it messes with their sleep. They miss their brother.”

Keith asked, “Why don’t you just bring their brother here for the summer?”

“I don’t think we could find a place for him to sleep.” Lance chuckled. It was true, Lance’s house was packed. Between his aunt, his abuelita, his parents, two cousins, and Lance’s six siblings, the house was more than full. “They’ll see him tomorrow night though.”

Keith felt the familiar sting that emerged whenever he thought about them all leaving. He hated this place when his friends weren’t around, it seemed so empty without their energy. 

“You okay?” Lance asked. 

Keith hadn’t realized he’d dropped his head and lost expression until he snapped up to look at Lance. He swallowed, “Um, yeah.”

Keith looked back to the sand he’d been moving around with the toe of his shoe. 

A few seconds passed before Keith felt Lance’s hand cover his under the blanket. Keith felt the same curious expression that he did when Lance hooked their pinkies on the dock those couple of weeks ago, that same heartbeat skipping, I’d-do-anything-to-feel-this-forever sort of feeling. Keith bit his lip as Lance shifted to lace their fingers together, squeezing their palms together. 

“Is this okay?” Lance whispered, nearly inaudible. 

Keith nodded, biting back a smile. 

Lance squeezed his hand once more, and then turned his attention to Hunk. “Oh, trying to catch Zapdos? Cool!” 

Keith felt like his heart was beating a million miles per hour. It was all-encompassing,  _ Lance  _ was all-encompassing. Keith ached when he thought of how soon, they’d be on opposite sides of a state border, and he wouldn’t be able to hook his pinky around Lance’s, wouldn’t be able to hold Lance’s hand under a blanket, wouldn’t be able to get on Lance’s shoulders in the lake and slyly card his fingers through his wet hair, arguing that he was holding on for balance. Lance was knocking him off balance. Keith liked that about him. 

It was then that he turned to look at Keith, “Hey, want to have one more swim?” 

Keith noded enthusiastically. “Yeah, sure.” 

Getting up jarred the sleeping Pidge, who sleepily readjusted their glasses, but resumed their slumber on Hunk’s shoulder after he told the other boys that he wasn’t up for a swim right now. 

Once the bonfire was a distant glow, and the boys found themselves on the dock, shedding their shirts and slipping into the water like it was made for them, Keith couldn’t help but feel nostalgic for the night Lance taught him how to swim. Lance’s hands, even in the chilly water, had been warm on Keith’s skin, calming. Keith didn’t understand what it meant to want that feeling all the time. 

“I’m going to miss this lake,” Lance said quietly, floating and staring up at the sky. 

“Me too,” Keith swam to Lance’s side. 

They were silent for a long moment, until Lance’s shaky voice was heard again. “Hey, Keith?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever get crushes on people?”

Keith deliberated. He knew how it felt to have a crush on someone. There was a boy in his grade that for a few weeks Keith found himself infatuated with, but it faded quickly. He had wondered if this feeling was the same he felt towards Lance, but quickly ruled it out. He was supposed to like girls, he knew that. 

“Yeah, on girls, sometimes.” He lied. 

“What about boys?” Lance whispered. 

Keith shrugged, too scared to use his words, too scared he’d say the wrong thing, too scared that if Lance found out how he felt towards boys, he wouldn’t want to be his friend anymore. 

Lance continued, “I think I have a crush on you.” 

Keith felt his heart leap inside his chest, though the only thing that came out of his mouth, out of all the billion thoughts in his head, was, “Oh.”

Lance turned in the water to face him. “Are-- are you mad at me?” 

Keith shook his head. “No.”

“You can’t tell anyone though, okay?” 

Keith nodded dutifully. 

Lance began to move back to the bank, standing in the sand under the water, staring at his friend seriously, “I’m serious. No one. Not even Hunk or Pidge, okay?”  
“Okay.” Keith swam closer to meet him until he was touching the sand too. He stood in front of him now, less than a foot apart, gathering courage to look him in the eye. When he did, he found that Lance was already staring at him. 

He thought that if he had the courage to do one brave thing, he could do two. 

Unsteadily, he stood onto his tiptoes until he was face to face with Lance, and leaned forward, pressing his cold lips against Lance’s warm ones.   
It was over in a second, and when he pulled back, Lance’s eyes were surprised. 

Immediately, Keith regretted his actions and stumbled back, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that!” He rushed to get out of the water. 

“No-- Keith, please, don’t leave!” Lance called after him, “It’s okay, it’s really okay!” 

Keith abandoned his shirt on the dock and took off running up the bank, Lance shouting behind him, pleading for him to come back. Keith eyes welled up with tears, his feet not moving quick enough under him. The world blurred as he sprinted away from Lance as quickly as he could. Once he found himself safe in the forest, he leaned against a tree, tears falling freely. 

“Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid,” He chanted, sobbing. “You ruined everything.” 

 

The next day, Keith refused to come out of his room. His grandmother knocked on his door, telling him that Lance and his friends were there to say goodbye, but Keith refused to see them, pulling the blankets over his head. He lost the only best friend he’d ever had. 

Lance’s van was gone by the afternoon. Keith sat down on the dock and cried, wishing Lance was there to hook their pinkies again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, thank you for reading! your kudos and comments are /greatly/ appreciated!! i hope to have the next chapter up in a couple of days :)


	3. Chapter 3

13.

 

By the next time July rolls around, Keith has considered himself changed. His hair is a little shorter, his he’s gotten a bit taller, and above all else-- he’s forgotten everything about his crush on Lance. Yes, he’s  _ entirely  _ over it, in fact, he’s never been less infatuated with the other boy. 

Which is definitely why his knees tremble at the sight of Lance’s family’s van pulling up to their house down the road. 

“I’m going to the lake!” He shouted to his father, who was cooking dinner beside his grandmother in the kitchen. Keith knew Lance’s first stop would be to try to talk to him, and Keith couldn’t have that. 

Or it would be to not talk to Keith at all. And that was even worse. 

His father turned with furrowed brows, “We’re going to have dinner soon.”

“I’ll be home before then,” Keith grabbed his red jacket off the back of an armchair-- he’d gotten it this year, and though it was a little big on him, he wore it everywhere-- and sped out the back door. He veered to his right and shoved through all the branches and brush, an alternative route that Lance taught him.  _ Lance.  _ Keith couldn’t think about him right now. He ran as fast as he could, only feeling safe when he broke out onto the sandy bank. He huffed, sitting down against a tree, praying that Lance wouldn’t find him here. 

He buried his face into his hands, anxiety boiling over in his gut. How was he going to avoid Lance’s ginormous family for a whole month, when they were only a stone’s throw away from where he was staying. And worse than that, there were people that he didn’t  _ want  _ to avoid. Like Pidge, whose intelligence and wit mirrored his own, and whom felt like a kindred spirit. Or Hunk, who, despite their differences, took a strong liking to Keith and always listening to him ramble about his interests. 

And, at the bottom of his heart, he didn’t want to imagine a world where he never talked to, or saw, Lance ever again. He refused to have feelings for Lance. It was nearly a year ago that they’d kissed, maybe he’d forgotten? 

Keith sighed. Why did he insist on lying to himself?

With his knees pulled up to his chest, he stared out at the lake. It was only about thirty yards away from him, the gentle waves washing up onto the shore and receding. He wishes, for a moment, that he could be the water. Gentle, calm, not held accountable for its mistakes.

Keith, on shaky legs, stood up and began to walk towards the dock. The familiar sound of wood creaking underfoot was inviting as always. He watched the billowing waves out in the far water as boats cruised around, how when they came near, the dock rocked a bit with the movement. Much like how he used to with Lance, Keith reached down and rolled up the ends of his pants up to the knee, laying his jacket down to sit on. There was something innately peaceful with just staring out into the lake, even if you were alone. 

Keith squinted against the garish afternoon sun that bore down onto him. Sweat built up on the nape of his neck, and he pulled what hair he still could after cutting it into a half ponytail. He reached down to swirl his hand in the water, then pressed it to the back of his neck, the cool feeling welcomed in this summery heat. He let his eyes flutter closed and he ducked his head, listening to the distant sounds of the nearby forest fill his ears. 

The moment he heard someone approach from behind, his head snapped up and he turned around to see who it was. 

He felt his heart skip a beat. 

If he’d been surprised at how different Lance looked last year, then now surely took the cake. 

He was even taller now, had to be nearing at least five foot eight, and his hair was shorter and less floppy. He still had that jacket, his hands stuffed in the pocket like always. His nose and cheeks were dotted with more freckles, a tiny scar placed just above his eyebrow-- easy to miss to someone who wasn’t trained to know every last detail about Lance’s face. 

The two boys stared at each other, taking one another in. Keith swallowed nervously. Lance commented lightly, “You cut your hair.”

Keith nodded. 

“I like it longer.” Lance shrugged, kicking off his shoes. Keith watched intently as he rolled up the ends of his pants, the action so familiar now, but the circumstances so different. This was territory Keith wasn’t prepared to handle. Lance’s nonchalance was grating on him, making his heart pound and his hands shake. 

And still, he remained silent.  

Lance took a seat next to Keith. “I always miss this lake.” He said softly.

“Do you?” Keith picked at his cuticles. 

“And you.” Lance added. 

Keith bit his lip. “Oh?” 

Lance turned to look at Keith, whose head was ducked down, examining his hands. He watched as Keith made fists on his thighs and looked out onto the lake with a stony expression. “Aren’t you going to hit me or something?” 

Lance furrowed his brow, “Wh--what are you talking about?” 

Keith turned to his with fire in his eyes and spoke venomously. “For what happened last summer. Aren’t you going to hit me or-- or yell at me or something? Why are you pretending that nothing is wrong?” 

“Because nothing  _ is  _ wrong.”

“Just do it already, I can take it, okay? I’m not weak.” Keith spat. 

Lance’s eyes were searching, confused, which only angered Keith more. “I don’t understand…”

“I kissed you and I shouldn’t have done that so just  _ hit me  _ already!” Keith shouted. 

“I don’t want to hurt you--”

“Do it!” 

“Keith--”

The next thing that Keith registered was his hands on Lance’s chest, and the splash of water as his body fell into the lake. Keith watched with wide eyes as Lance resurfaced, gasping for air, “What the  _ hell,  _ Keith!” 

Keith blinked as he realized what he’d done. “I…” He trailed off. “Will you hit me now?” 

“I don’t want to hit you! Why do you want me to hit you so bad?” Lance stared up at him incredulously, not understanding. 

Keith squared his jaw, “Because that’s what happens when you kiss boys.”

“No, it’s not-- who fucking told you that?” Lance struggled in his heavy clothing to swim to the ladder. 

Keith stood and watched Lance climb the ladder, stepping onto the dock with soaking wet clothing. Keith bit his lip in anticipation. “Just push me into the lake then.”

“ _ No. _ ” Lance said with finality. “I don’t want to do anything to you. You kissed me. It’s okay. I want you to know it’s okay with me.” 

Keith’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t believe you.” 

“Then… fine. Don’t believe me. But I’m not gonna hurt you.” Lance paused, “I swear, Keith, I’m never gonna hurt you.”

Keith, ashamed of his actions, stared down at the graying wood. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” Lance said softly, “I’m not mad.” 

Keith nodded. 

Then, in a tone much lighter, “If you wanted to go swimming, you could’ve just told me. No need to take action.” Keith smiled a little, which Lance returned in full, “There it is.”

“There’s what?”

Lance chuckled, “Your smile. I missed it.” 

Keith felt butterflies in his stomach and he rocked back onto his heels. “I missed yours.” 

Lance threw an arm around Keith’s shoulders, “C’mon, let’s go swimming.”

“Ah-- you’re all wet, get off of me!”

Lance laughed. 

 

Towards the end of their visit (which had thus far been wonderful, plenty of swimming and hiking and laughing with the other kids, and Keith not even for a second giving into the fact that he was perilously close to having feelings for Lance-- as if he wasn’t there already) it happened. 

“Is he really that bad?” He asked Hunk one day as they were walking through the forest. Hunk was in search of some flowers to make a crown for Pidge, and Keith just needed something to do to forget about how ill Lance was. He hadn’t seen the boy in two days, and when he asked to come in to visit him, Lance’s mother advised it was best to keep away so Keith didn’t get sick too. And Keith couldn’t come up with a way to explain that he  _ needed  _ to see Lance. He  _ needed  _ every moment he could possibly have with him so that when he went back to school and was reminded that he didn’t have friends and that he was ostracized entirely from his peers, at least he’d be accompanied with memories of someone who truly made him happy. 

“I think so. He’s got a fever and Miss McClain seems real worried about it.” Hunk replied, shrugging. 

Keith nodded. “Is he contagious?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. Hey, wait, there’s daisies over there.” Hunk stepped off the path and Keith waited for him, arms crossed over his chest, deep in thought.  

It was that night that he decided. Resolutely, under cover of night, he snuck out of his bedroom window. It wasn’t the first time, nor would it be the last. The night made him feel powerful, made him feel unashamed. Things now were better than they were in the light of day. 

He found his way to Lance’s house quietly, unseen. He knew which window was Lance’s without a second thought. He’d waited beneath it for Lance to come out on nights where they’d sneak out and go to the lake. Timidly, he tapped his finger on it and stepped back. He was worried that Lance would already be asleep, or that he would know it was Keith and decide he didn’t want to deal with him right now, and nearly turned and went back home. But the blue curtains parted and Lance’s face was revealed-- albeit a little sickly, a little pale-- with a grin. In no time, he had the window unlocked and pulled open, and Keith climbed in, graceless but excited to see his friend. 

“What are you doing here?” Lance dropped back onto his bed, yawning. 

Keith shed his jacket, placing it on the back of Lance’s desk chair. “I wanted to see you. Your mom wouldn’t let me during the day, so…” He trailed off. 

Lance chuckled, pulling the blanket over his body. “I’ve been a bad influence on you, huh?” 

Keith shrugged, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, rocking a little. Nervously, he put his hair into a ponytail, not making eye contact with Lance. He was beginning to think that his spontaneous decision had been a bad idea after all. 

“Come sit.” Lance patted the space on the bed next to him, and without hesitation, Keith took his place there. This close, in the darkness, he could see Lance had bedhead unlike any other. He found himself smiling. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

Lance sighed, “Better than yesterday.”

“Do you think you’ll be better before you leave?” Keith asked hurriedly. It was only four days before the McClain family departed the lake, and Keith had been trying his best not to think about it-- and failing. 

Lance bit his lip, “I hope so. I want to go swimming with you one last time.” 

Keith said, “Me too.” 

There was a easy silence between the two boys. Keith felt the soft fabric of the quilt on Lance’s bed, something about how comforting it was reminded him of the owner. Lance yawned again and Keith commented, “If you’re tired, I can leave.” 

“No, don’t.” Lance shook his head. 

Keith nodded dutifully. He’d stay at Lance’s bedside until the sun came up, if that’s what he wanted. 

It was another minute of quiet until Lance whispered, “Hey, Keith?” 

“Yeah?” 

There was a pause until Lance finally continued, “Uh, at the beginning of the summer… why, um, why did you want me to hit you?”

Keith felt the blood drain from his face, his heart speeding up. He scratched the back of his neck anxiously, stammering for words, “I-- um, it’s complicated.” 

“That’s okay.” Lance murmured. 

Keith dropped his head, “You won’t like hearing it.” 

“Okay.”

“No, I mean, you really don’t want to hear it.”

“That’s fine.”

“Lance.”

“ _ Keith. _ ”

Keith took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure how to put it, but he was willing to try. “I got beaten up for kissing a boy last year.”

Lance was quiet, which wasn’t a common thing, and put Keith on edge immediately. Softly, he then said, “What happened?”

Begrudgingly, Keith forced the words, out. “Um, I was with this boy behind the bleachers and… I liked him. And he liked me, and I-- I kissed him and his friends saw and… they got mad and so… he punched me. And told his friends that I just randomly did it.” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Keith swallowed, “So… I figured that’s what you were going to do too.”

Lance sat up, the springy mattress whining in protest beneath his body. He put his hand on top of Keith’s and Keith could feel his breathing hitch. “I’d never do that to you.”

“I--I know. I know that, I was just… scared, I think.” Keith looked down at their hands. 

“Keith.” Lance whispered. 

He looked up to meet Lance’s eyes reluctantly. 

Gently, a feather-light movement, Lance leaned in and kissed Keith. He held it for a few seconds, not the quick peck that Keith had given him in the lake last year. Lance’s lips were chapped but Keith couldn’t care less. He leaned in to Lance, placing his hand on the side of his face. 

When Lance pulled back, Keith had to stop himself from pulling him back in again. His mouth tingled where it had touched Lance’s, and he suppressed a shiver. 

“See? It’s okay to kiss boys. You aren’t going to hit  _ me _ , are you?” Lance asked. 

Keith shook his head enthusiastically. “No. Never.” 

“Then it’s okay. Okay?” Lance whispered. 

“It’s okay.” Keith agreed. “Lance, can I kiss you again?”

Lance chuckled, “Yeah.” 

 

As always, the end of the McClain’s visit came much too soon. Keith watched their van disappear  with a little slip of paper with Lance’s phone number written on it in his hand. Lance had given him a big hug, as always, before he left. Pidge had given him a sweet kiss on the cheek, and Hunk had left him his old DS and a few game cartridges, instructing him to “finish FireRed and Yoshi’s Island first, they’re the best ones” before getting into the van. 

As soon as their car could no longer be seen, Keith rushed inside and grabbed his phone, dialing Lance’s number with flying fingers. 

“Hello?” Lance’s voice came through the receiver and though it hadn’t been more than five minutes since Keith had heard it, it still filled him with relief. 

“I miss you.” Keith murmured. 

“I miss you, too.” Lance breathed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't the best chapter i have written, but i hope you will let it slide in exchange for cute gay kids.
> 
> also it looks like there's gonna be more than 3 or 4 chapters lmao rip


	4. Chapter 4

14.

 

Keith sat on his bed, legs crossed, staring at the phone in his lap. His reflection in the screen was detestable-- bags under the eyes, bitten raw lips. He’d called Lance eleven times in the last four days. His stomach was in knots, his brain buzzing with reasons why Lance wouldn’t be answering, when they’d talked nearly every day. 

He felt sick. 

Was it because Lance had decided that he didn’t want to be friends with him anymore? Or was it because Lance got sick again or something worse? 

It had been keeping him up at night. He clutched his phone to chest when he lay sleepless in bed, staring out at the trees that crowded the space outside his window. Where was he? Was he safe? 

His father and grandmother were obviously concerned, pleading him to get out and go play with the other kids in the neighborhood. Keith hadn’t found a way to tell them that the other kids in the neighborhood  _ weren’t  _ Lance. 

It only made matters worse when the McClain family was three days late from their normal arrival date. They always showed up on the same day  _ on the dot.  _

It was the day that Keith found himself rocking on his bed that he decided he couldn’t handle it anymore, grabbed his jacket and walked determinedly to Lance’s aunt’s house. He had his fists jammed into the pockets, walking as fast as he could down the gravel trail to the big brown house at the end. 

Taking the two steps up to the front door was the most courageous thing that Keith had done all summer. Actually ringing the doorbell was second. 

When Lance’s Aunt Tess answered the door, her skin a ghostly pallor and her normally jubilant expression long gone, Keith’s heart fell. Still he found the bravery within him to ask, “Hi, Aunt T-Tess. I was wondering why-- um, why Lance’s family hasn’t shown up?”

Aunt Tess looked at him blankly for a long moment. “Lance’s brother Chris was killed in a car crash, Keith. They’re not coming up this year.”

“Oh.” Keith watched the door shut in his face. 

And here he had thought that he was already familiar with sadness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT!
> 
> So first of all I'd like to bring your attention to the tags-- a few things were changed regarding Lance and Keith. I had coded Keith to be autistic but I really just 100% wanted to bring it to light that he is definitely autistic. Also Lance has ADHD and he was coded to be that way but I put it in the tags just to be sure.
> 
> Secondly, another thing you will see in the tags is that I put "Semi-Graphic Smut" it's for a couple chapters ahead, and I haven't really chosen whether or not I want to keep the real nitty-gritty of the smut in there or if I just want to fade to black. Either way, I'll let you know in the chapter notes at the beginning of the chapter! The recreational drug use is also a part of that scene so... if that squicks you and you don't want to read it, I will most definitely be putting a summary of what happens at the part, as well as a "don't read from *this line* to *this line*" to avoid any discomfort. 
> 
> Also, I know this chapter is super short, it's meant to be that way, the next chapter will be up in a day or two. And a comment on the last line about sadness, it doesn't stem from Lance not coming for the summer, it stems from Keith's grievance for his brother's death. I just wanted to avoid any confusion and anyone being like "whoa that's shitty keith doesn't care that lance's brother died only the fact that he's not gonna see lance". My boy ain't that bad. 
> 
> And also, thank you for all your comments and kudos! I'm really excited because we are at the halfway point of this fic being finished! Please continue to leave your comments because they're super inspiring for the continuation of this fic, as well as anything you'd like to be elaborated on or included in later chapters! 
> 
> Sorry this was so wordy, thank you for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for reading this chapter, i strongly recommend listening to some music from ben howard's "every kingdom", particularly old pine, promise, and only love.

 

Keith woke with a start, eyes wide and body tense. 

“Are you  _ serious? _ ” He whispered furiously, looking down at his tented boxers, biting his lip. With resolution, he refused to take care of the situation, optioning for angrily shedding his hoodie and throwing it across the room. Sweat pooled on his forehead and he wiped it away, dropping himself back down onto the pillow. Frustration reigned him. This was the third dream about Lance he’d had in a week, which was three too many. Ever since he had texted Lance after almost a year of silence between the two boys, asking him if he planned on visiting the lake this July and Lance had simply replied, “Yeah, on the 10th,” he’d been giddy. No one could make him feel anything to the magnitude that Lance had. 

Not the boys he’d busied himself with quietly throughout the school year. Not the phone call he’d finally received from his mother on his birthday that had left him in shambles. Nothing could match the fervor. 

But the side effect of the giddiness was that now he’d been plagued with terrible, terrible, not at  _ all  _ enjoyable dreams about Lance. Lance laughing with him, Lance running his fingers through his hair, Lance kissing him. 

Keith shut his eyes tight. Maybe he was hoping when he opened them, he’d be in a different world where he never had to pine for Lance ever again. Maybe he was hoping when he opened them, Lance would be there, hovering above him like in his dreams, chuckling at Keith’s nervousness and happy to calm him and--

Keith resolutely turned over on his bed and tried to fall back asleep.

 

“Your grandmother tells me your friends supposed to be here today.” Mr. Kogane comments over eggs and bacon the morning of the 10th. 

Keith nodded, staring down at his half-finished plate. His stomach was in knots, as it had been since he woke up at four in the morning out of anxiety and couldn’t make himself fall back asleep again.  The eggs stared menacingly back.  _ If you’re not in love with him, why are you so anxious?  _

_ Shut up. _ Keith thought to his eggs, glaring. 

Mr. Kogane swallowing a drink of orange juice. Keith thought for just a second that he might wish for him to choke on it.“That’ll be good for you.”

“Will it?” Keith poked at his plate. 

“It’ll get you out of the house.” Mr. Kogane had a point, though Keith didn’t want to admit it; the lake had hardly seen any of him the past week and a half they’d been here.

Keith replied, “I don’t mind staying inside.”

“Well,” Mr. Kogane shrugged, “That’s not very healthy.”

Keith’s eyes narrowed. Abruptly, he scooted his chair back and announced, “I’m not hungry,” before beginning to clear his plate. 

“Kyong--” his father began, “I… come back here, can we have a civil conversation for once?”

Keith remained silent as he disposed his plate into the sink. He didn’t offer his father a single glance as he walked past him and started back to his room. “I don’t think you know what civil is.” 

 

That afternoon, Keith stepped out of his front door just as the van was parking down the street. He found a crooked smile on his face as he began walking towards it. He wondered what Lance would think of him now, taller, jaw much more sharp, hair longer and piled in a quick bun at the back of his head. He wondered if he might find him as beautiful as he found Lance. 

These questions were answered when Lance hopped out of the van, followed by Pidge and Hunk, and he spotted Keith leaning against the railing of his aunt’s porch, grinning. Lance looked him up and down and smiled.

Aunt Tess enveloped him in a tight hug, though his eyes never left Keith. He muttered some sort of greeting before rushing to Keith, uttering a breathless, “Hi.” 

Keith chuckled, “Hi. Um, how are you?” 

Lance opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by Pidge and Hunk shoving past him and shouting Keith’s name excitedly. 

Terms of, “we missed you!” and “you’re almost as tall as Lance!” and “did you finish FireRed?” melded together as Keith received hugs and cheek kisses from both enthusiastic teenagers.

Pidge declared, “I want to go swimming! Want to come with me?” 

Hunk nodded, “Yeah, for sure! Lance? Keith?”

Lance, whose eyes had hardly left Keith’s, replied softly, “We’ll be down in a bit.”

Pidge glanced between the two and began to walk away with Hunk, snickering something and then giggling. 

The boys took each other in for a long moment before the tentative resolve was broken and the collided into each other’s arms, gripping tightly onto one another as though they might float away. 

“Missed you,” Lance whispered. 

“Missed you, too.” Keith breathed, closing his eyes and settling easily into the embrace he’d found himself in so many times, whether it was real or in his dreams. Lance was just as warm and gentle as he remembered, his jacket smelled just the same way it had before, all that was new was the sly kiss Lance pressed against the side of his head as they were breaking apart. 

“Want to go on a walk with me?” Lance asked.

Keith nodded happily.

 

“Did you end up passing the class?” Keith asked. They were sat in the forest, the distant sound of cars on the main road and cicadas in the trees sitting in the air. Lance was trying, and mostly failing, to climb a tree, while Keith drew little designs into the dirt with a stick. 

“Yeah, but I got my ass beat for cheating.” Lance laughed. 

Keith snorted and shook his head. 

“What about you?” He reached for a branch and nearly slipped before catching himself against the trunk. “How have you been?”

“Okay.” Keith shrugged. 

“How’s your dad?”

Keith looked down at the dirt. His father was the last thing he wanted to talk about right now. He must’ve remained quiet for too long because Lance added, “Did something happen?”

Keith struggled for a response,“I don’t know. Um, I mean, I got a call from my mom in February and she said some stuff that kind of made it hard for me to… I don’t know, to want to be around my dad.”

Lance raised his eyebrows, “I think you guys didn’t talk.”

“Yeah, well. That’s my dad’s fault.”

“It is?” 

Keith scratched the back of his neck, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

Lance nodded. “That’s fair.”

It was quiet between them for a second. Keith watched in awe as Lance leapt up and grabbed onto a branch. His body was lean, stronger now than it was last time they’d seen each other. He had to be nearly six feet tall by now. It was hard to believe that Lance was sixteen years old, when just a few summers ago, he’d been childish and careless, pulling pranks and causing trouble. As he fumbled a little to maintain footing on the branch, Keith thought that he might’ve retained some of his carelessness after all.

“Hey, um, Lance?” Keith asked tentatively. 

“Yeah?”

Keith paused for a moment, “Um… what happened with your brother?” 

Lance went quiet and still. He ran a hand through his hair, pushing the waves back from his forehead. Keith regretted asking almost immediately, and went to retract the question, but Lance stated, “Drunk driver. Chris was out with some friends, dude swerved into oncoming traffic and collided head on with a car full of teenagers.” 

Keith nodded. 

“Chris and two girls died. Um, the drunk driver walked away with a couple broken ribs but… yeah, he’s serving for manslaughter right now.” 

Keith nodded again. He never had a way with words. 

“It’s okay to ask about it. I mean, we’ve all grieved, it was a year ago… he’s in a better place.” Lance resumed his reckless tree climbing once more. “And besides, you know, sometimes I think I can feel him with me.”

“Yeah?” Keith asked. 

“Oh yeah. He’s still with us in spirit. Guys like Chris always hangs around.” Lance smiled a little and Keith returned it. 

“That’s good.” Keith looked down to continue doodling in the dirt. 

“You ever gonna tell me what your mom said?”

Keith sighed, “Not now. Maybe later.”

Lance chuckled, “Are we hanging out later?”

“If you want to. I mean, don’t feel pressured, I’m sure you want to spend some time with Aunt Tess and all--”  
Lance leaned around the trunk so give Keith a knowing look, “I’ll leave my window unlocked tonight.” 

Keith had to look down so Lance wouldn’t see him blush. How good it was to have him back. 

 

Climbing through Lance’s window was an easy, muscle-memory kind of thing. He knew how to get there, even in dark with nothing but his phone’s flashlight and the moon to light the path. He knew what branches to duck under, where to walk a little to the left to avoid burrs stuck in his clothing, and most of all, he knew exactly how Lance would greet him. 

Arms wrapping around his waist, kissing the air right out of him. 

This had begun the first night Lance was in town this summer. His unlocked window offer had extended through the rest of the summer, and now that they were nearly meeting the end of July, Keith had been taking him up on it much more. Mostly it was to avoid awkward, hate-fueled conversations with his father about his mother, but it was also because the feeling of Lance’s lips, still vaguely salty and dry from the lake, was intoxicating. 

But this was different. 

When Keith shoved the curtains aside and hopped over the windowsill into Lance’s bedroom, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, Lance didn’t greet him at all. 

“Lance?” Keith whispered. 

A muffled voice came from the bed, “Will you sit with me?” 

He bit his lip, spying Lance’s body, mostly hidden under the blankets, facing away from him. “Yeah.” Keith nodded, walking quietly to him. The mattress creaked familiarly under his weight. He placed a hand on Lance’s shoulder, “Are you alright?” 

He was met with silence. 

Keith glanced away, back to the window that housed a muted blue light from the full moon. When he looked back at Lance, his eyes were open and he was staring blankly at the wall. 

“I miss him.” He whispered. 

“I know.” Keith replied. 

A long silence. When Lance finally spoke again, his tone was strangely venomous. “No. No, you don’t.” 

Keith swallowed, “Um, what?”

“How could you  _ possibly  _ know?” He hissed. 

Keith removed his hand from Lance, placing it back in his lap. “I do--”

“You  _ don’t _ know. You don’t know how this feels.” Lance ran shaky hands through his hair. His voice was brittle, “It hurts, Keith. It feels like my bones are being ripped out, it feels like I’m fucking dying--”

“I understand.” Keith whispered.

“No, you fucking don’t, Keith.” Lance spat, sitting up suddenly, face close to Keith’s. “Just shut the hell up, because you don’t understand how it feels to lose your brother.”

Keith flinched against his words. “Did you invite me here just so you could yell at me?” 

Lance faltered. “I-- I’m sorry.” He ducked his head, moving away until his back rested on the wall. 

“Hey, it’s okay.” Keith reached out, carding his fingers through Lance’s hair. It was so soft to the touch, and he couldn’t sworn that he felt Lance lean into his hand. 

Lance murmured, “I didn’t mean to yell at you.” 

“I know.” Keith nodded, understanding. 

“It’s not okay… I’m sorry.” 

“Shh,” Keith said softly. 

“You don’t have to stay.” 

Keith shook head, “Don’t be a dumbass, of course I’m staying.”

“I’m… I’m sorry.” Lance repeated. 

Keith sighed, “Stop. It’s okay.” 

“No,” Lance dropped his head. 

“Lance,” Keith tilted the distraught boy’s head up, “what can I do to make you feel better?”

Lance stared at him, his face lit up in stripes from the blinds on the window. Slowly, he leaned forward and brushed his lips against Keith’s. 

Keith pressed forward, placing his hands on either side of Lance’s face. He swiped his tongue against Lance’s lip and Lance relaxed, pulling Keith’s body closer, hands on his hips. Keith kneeled in front of him, touching Lance’s bare chest, much like he did when they were out in the lake when he was eleven. He felt a streak of nostalgia, happy now that he didn’t have to fear Lance’s backlash when their lips broke apart. After all, Lance typically initiated things like this. He was beautiful, and Keith wanted to be wanted, and the fact that he was-- and by  _ Lance  _ of all people-- got him drunk on attention.  

“Keith,” Lance whispered, slipping his hands under the hem of Keith’s shirt, fingers ghosting over his skin. Keith shuddered, biting at Lance’s lip.

“ _ Lance _ .” Keith’s eyes fluttered closed as Lance kissed down to his collarbone, so sweet and gentle, like he couldn’t even stomach this idea of being rough at all with him. It was nice,  _ he  _ was nice, but somewhere deep inside Keith, he could no longer handle the carefulness. 

Slowly, experimentally, he pushed Lance back against the wall. Lance squeezed Keith’s hips and his movements stuttered as the touch drew a gasp from him. Without much thinking, or any at all, he threw a leg over Lance’s lap and straddled him. He broke away and shed his red jacket, tossing it to the floor. He stared Lance down as pulled out the rubber band that held his hair up, letting the waves tumble loosely to his shoulders. He ran a hand through them and asked quietly, “Is this alright?” 

Lance nodded, eyes wide in fascination as he looked Keith up and down. He didn’t have much time to drink the sight in, as almost immediately Keith’s mouth was back on his and Lance moaned. 

Keith was nervous like this. It was something he’d dreamt about a million times, but now that he was here, in the flesh, his hands were trembling just slightly against Lance’s skin. He drew a sharp breath as Lance’s hand trailed down his thigh and began to palm at the prominent erection in Keith’s pajama pants.

“Wait.” Keith gasped, gripping Lance’s hand. “Stop.” 

Lance instantly withdrew his hands, “Sorry! I thought--”

“No, no, it’s okay.” Keith assured him, “I’m… uh, I’m not really ready for that right now.”

“Oh… oh!” Lance’s eyes widened, “You, um… you’ve never…?”

Keith hurriedly replied, “No, I have, I’m just--”

“It’s okay. Sorry.”

“Sorry.”

“Sorry.” Lance chuckled. 

“Um…” Keith pushed his hair back, “Do you want me to go?” 

“No.” Lance shook his head, “No, stay.”

Keith nodded. 

They remained like that, mostly unmoving, aside from Lance’s thumbs pressing gentle circles into into the tops of Keith’s legs. Keith ran his fingers through Lance’s hair, twirling the short strands between his fingers. Everything was so soft and quiet in the darkness, the sound of Lance’s breathing was so comforting and familiar. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Lance whispered. 

“Anything.” 

Lance hesitated, “Um… what happened with your mom?”

Keith closed his eyes. He knew someday he was going to have to talk about it, he just didn’t want it to be now, here, with Lance, who he never wanted to see his weak side. 

His heart started pounding, anxiety boiling up inside of him. For a moment, he could hear his mother’s voice through the receiver, in tears, telling him how much she missed him. He could hear his own voice, screaming at his father, beginning for an answer. 

Worst of all, he could hear Areum’s lilt of laughter. Soft and sweet. Innocent. 

“Um…” he stammered, “Well…”

“You don’t have to--”

“No, I can.” He opened his eyes, reaching to cover Lance’s hand with his own. “So, uh,  was born in Seoul, and my mother had a daughter when I was three. And, uh… her name was Areum.”

Lance nodded. 

“Um, well, what happened was… when I was, like, five or six, my parents started fighting a whole lot, and Areum was really scared so I took care of her a lot. Well… you see, my mom had an affair with a guy she worked with, and y’know I was like three so when she was born I didn’t really understand the…. the significance of why she didn’t really look like me, why her skin was so many shades darker, and so on. But I guess my dad did, because, um… he didn’t really treat her that well and he and my mom would get into these massive fights over her but… I was just a kid. I didn’t know anything, I just knew she was my little sister and I loved her.”

Lance threaded his fingers with Keith’s, squeezing for a moment in reassurance. 

“They split when I was seven, and my dad took us to America, where his mom lived. And… and see, the real fucked up part is, um,” Keith stammered, running his free hand through his hair nervously, “Like, my dad lied to me for years, sort of? I don’t know.”

“How so?” Lance asked sincerely.

“Like, um, he told me my mom didn’t want anything to do with me.” 

Lance spat, “What the fuck? That’s awful.”

Keith chuckled humorlessly, “Yeah, you’re right. And see, the truth is that my mom  _ did  _ want to be with me, but my dad just made her out to be this awful, lying, cheating bitch and took me away from her and the court didn’t do anything about it. And because he wasn’t related to Areum, he decided I shouldn’t have anything to do with her either, even though we were half-siblings.”

“That’s so fucked up.” Lance replied, all eloquence. 

Keith shrugged, “Yeah. My mom tracked me down this February, got my number and all. And she called me on my birthday and told me everything. Everything. About how Areum is growing up to be so beautiful and smart and how my mom is with this really great guy and they got married two years ago, and how I always have a home in Seoul.”

“Wow.” Lance’s eyes were wide. “That’s… crazy.”

“Yeah. So I got off the phone with her and I got in this huge fight with my dad about it, about how he’d just been-- just fucking  _ lying  _ to me for years. And I actually ran away for a couple days, and crashed on a friend’s couch. And when I went home, my dad apologized and all, but… I don’t know. Fuck him, y’know? He took my sister away from me. I’ve hardly talked to him since. I mean, I live with him and all but I just don’t talk to him as much as I can.”

Lance nodded, “Yeah, that’s fair.”

Keith yawned, “So, um. Yeah.”

After a brief pause, Lance reached out to touch the side of Keith’s face. He leaned into Lance’s calloused hand, grateful for the touch. His stomach was still tossing with anxiety after telling the story, but Lance had a way of centering him. 

“Thank you for telling me.” Lance brushed his thumb against Keith’s cheekbone. 

Keith nodded. “It’s no problem.”

Lance sat up, keeping Keith on his lap. He pressed their torsos together, wrapping his arms around Keith’s middle as Keith placed his hands on either side of Lance’s face. He looked down at him, moonlight shimmery in his eyes, and kissed him.

When their lips parted, Lance asked, “Want to go for a swim?”

“I don’t have my swim trunks with me.” Keith reminded him. 

Lance grinned, “We don’t need them.” 

 

Keith tried not to watch Lance too obviously as he slipped from his clothing, leaving it in a mess on the dock. With his back to Keith, he sunk into the water and disappeared. The moon was bright and lithe in the sky, and Keith stared up at it as he unbuckled his pants and kicked them off. 

Lance popped up from the water, smoothing his hair back with his hands, “Whoo! It’s a little chilly tonight.”

Keith rolled his eyes, pulling off his boxers. “Yeah, it’s nighttime.” 

Lance didn’t mean to catch himself staring, and before he thought Keith noticed, he ducked down under the water again. Keith, in fact, did notice, and could feel heat rising in his cheeks. He slid down into the water after piling his hair atop his head in a little bun, embracing the coldness that accepted his skin. This lake, after the last few years, had really become like home. 

Lance rose up once more from beneath the little waves and approached Keith, only his eyes above the water. At the last second, he jumped up and spit water into Keith’s face. 

“Lance! You asshole!” Keith wiped the water from his face as best as he could, “You shouldn’t do that, you know. There’s trillions of microorganisms in the lake that you just put in your mouth.” 

Lance laughed, “Whatever.”

“Fine, whatever, but good luck getting me to kiss you at all for the rest of the night.” Keith turned over onto this back, staring up at the stars. There was a time where being alone with Lance on the lake at night would put him on edge. Now it just felt familiar. The sound of Lance kicking up water and laughing softly behind him was a welcome noise. Keith had always been in awe of the innocent, childish side that this lake brought out of him. How he got the same excited glint in his eyes whenever he leapt into the water, how he could just laugh at nothing but his own happiness to be weightless in the water. 

Keith watched, with eyes maybe a little sadder than most, as Lance moved as though he was meant to be in the lake forever. He wanted to be weightless too.

Deftly, with much hesitation, he swam close to Lance. Hyper aware that their nude bodies were less than two feet away from each other, and hyper aware of his own desire to close the gap, Keith breathed out a trembling breath. 

“Are you alright?” Lance reached forward and ran his hands up and down Keith’s biceps, ridden with goosebumps, under the water. His brow was furrowed, miniscule drops of water sticking to lashes and skin. Keith wondered if it were possible for Lance to be anything but beautiful. 

“Is there anything I could say that would end… whatever is going on between us?” Keith asked seriously. 

“Are-- you  _ trying  _ to end what’s going on between us?” Lance’s tone seemed hurt. 

Keith shook his head, “No! No, no, that’s not it at all. I just want to know if we’re at all in jeopardy.”

Lance’s confused expression didn’t let up. “No?”

“Because there’s something I need to tell you, and I don’t want you to leave me for it.” Keith’s voice was shaking now, but he wasn’t going to let this go. He could be strong. He wasn’t going to be weak in the shadow of his feelings for Lance ever again. 

“I won’t leave you, Keith.” Lance promised. 

Keith squared his jaw, and with a fervor that bordered on anger, he stated with insistence, “I love you, Lance.” 

Lance faltered, eyes widening. It took everything Keith had not to run away like he had before, and instead steel himself enough to stare Lance right in the eye, daring. 

Lance blinked, biting his lip. “I--I love you, too.”

Keith’s expression softened, “You… you do?”

Lance nodded, a small smile on his lips. “Yeah. I do.”

Keith began to laugh, for a reason he didn’t know, and that was a wonderful feeling. “I love you!”

Lance started to laugh too, and said, “I love you,” before pulling him in for a kiss that Keith would’ve gladly drowned in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaa so i'm thinking maybe two or three more chapters will follow this one. maybe one. i'm not sure. i have few endings to this story and i haven't exactly chosen which one i want to go with. 
> 
> and, because i keep forgetting to tell you guys, you can find me on tumblr as @ocdlance! (if that url doesn't work, jolras.co.vu will also take you to my page). 
> 
> and there will be a lot more pidge and hunk in the rest of the story because there hasn't been much of them in this story and they are great characters. 
> 
> as always, i appreciate your feedback immensely and would /love/ if you left a comment or some kudos! thank you!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Part One of year 16. 
> 
> Warning for not super graphic violence, but a punch is thrown, and minor injuries.
> 
> Sorry this took so long to be posted! I was camping this weekend and didn't have access to writing this.

  
  


It was often that Keith thought upon the events of the previous summer. They comforted him, made the expanse of time in which he and Lance didn’t see each other bearable. He had memorized the feeling of Lance’s lips, and how they felt like home. He had memorized how it felt to have a shiver overtake him as Lance whispered that he loved him in his ear. He knew Lance’s smile like the back of his hand. 

He, for the first time in a very long time, was content. 

Or at least mostly content. 

Relations between he and his father were still severed. Keith would wake up, go to school, go to work at the pet shop job he’d picked up the previous winter, come home and do his homework-- all the while avoiding his father. He took occasional calls or Facebook messages from his mother, found himself teary when she sent pictures of Areum. She was truly growing up beautiful, long black hair and pretty brown skin. She was everything Keith hoped she’d be. 

But when he received the most recent phone call and his mother offered him his old room back in Korea after he graduated high school, he felt more lost in his own life than ever. 

He’d told her that he’d think about it. 

On one hand, he’d be with real, loving family again. He’d be with Areum again, which was what he’d wanted all along. But on the other, he’d leave Pidge, Hunk, and Lance. He had let out a deep breath and texted Lance that night. 

“ _ You’ll never believe what my mom just told me. _ ” He typed out. 

The reply came an hour later, blunt, “ _ I can’t talk right now. _ ”

“ _ Oh. _ ” Keith swallowed nervously, “ _ Okay, when can we? _ ”

“ _ Idk. I’ll text you when we can. _ ”

The text never did come. 

It’d been three weeks since he’d spoken to Lance, too nervous to text him first. He decided that if Lance wanted to talk to him, he’d send the first message. But the droneddroned on, and Keith was so worried that he’d lost Lance forever. 

At a last ditch effort, he had called Pidge a week before the McClain’s were supposed to arrive at the lake. He curled up on his bed, clutching the phone close.

“Hey.” Pidge’s voice was a comfort like no other, and Keith let out a breath.

“Hey, Pidge.” 

“What’s up?” He could vaguely hear what sounded like video game music coming from the other end of the line, staticy and soft. 

“Nothing much, I just wanted to check in with you.” Keith shrugged. 

“Oh, cool.” He could hear the smile in Pidge’s voice, “I’m just hanging out in my hospital room, playing games.”

Keith nodded, “What are you playing?”

“Pokemon LeafGreen.” 

“FireRed is better.” Keith chuckled.

“You and Hunk always say that!” Pidge laughed. 

Keith said, “Because it’s true.”

“Whatever.” He could imagine Pidge’s eyeroll.

“How’d the top surgery go?”

“Great! No more binders for me.” Pidge sounded proud and it warmed Keith’s heart. “I just can’t swim at the lake this summer. Which sucks, because last time, I got really good at not being scared at jumping in from the dock.”

Keith’s heart skipped a beat, “So… you guys  _ are  _ coming this summer?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?”

Keith paused, then decided not to bring up what had happened between him and Lance. “I don’t know, just curious.”

“Oh, okay.” 

Keith tried to ignore his steadily rising heartbeat, “So, um, where are you at in your game?” 

 

The day had come, and he was going to see Lance again. He waited restlessly all day, nothing able to capture his attention like the thoughts of seeing that boy. Aimlessly flipping through TV channels, he wondered what Lance would think of him now. Taller, than before, at least by an inch or two. His hair was longer, hanging just below his shoulder in messy tangles that were never truly smoothed. He wondered what he would think of Lance, if he looked anything like he did in his dreams. 

The same dreams that came so often, particularly after nights where he and Lance had stayed up Skyping, whispering to each other because Lance’s mom would kill him he were up at one in the morning on a school night. Lance’s smiles were worth the bags under his eyes in the morning. 

Or, at least, they had been. Before he’d been cut off from communication with him. 

Keith’s stomach did a toss of anxiety the moment he saw the blue van had been unmistakably Lance’s for years. This was it. He was torn, however, between his own familiar excitement at the thought of seeing Lance, and his nerves towards the same idea. He’d spent a month worrying himself sick over what was going on, but there was no more time for that. With determination, he pulled on his red jacket and headed out the door. 

It was a short walk to Aunt Tess’s, one Keith knew perfectly. The sound of his feet kicking up the gravel and dust was welcoming. He watched the van park, and not even a moment later, Pidge’s small body was barreling out like a bullet, coming straight for Keith.

“Pidge, be careful!” Lance’s mother called after them. 

Pidge refused to heed the warning and wrapped their arms around Keith, “I missed you!”

Keith smiled, burying his head in Pidge’s messy hair, “You look great, Pidge.”

They pulled back and looked proudly down at their newly flat chest, “Yeah, it’s great, isn’t it? I’m really happy.”

Keith nodded in agreement, then looked over their head at Lance, who was getting out of the van as well, following Hunk. His heart skipped a beat.  _ Lance _ . He was here, he was wonderful, he was smiling... he was helping someone out of the car.

Keith squinted against the sun, trying to connect the sunny redhead taking Lance’s hand to someone in his memory. 

“Who’s that?” Keith asked, finding that his voice was trembling for a reason he didn’t understand. 

Pidge turned and looked, “Oh, that’s-- um, that’s Abigail. She’s Lance’s girlfriend.”

It was like the world had stopped turning for a moment. 

Keith swallowed.

Lance bent down and kissed the happy girl on the forehead. 

Keith felt sick all of a sudden.

“Um, he didn’t tell you about her?” Pidge asked softly. 

Keith shook his head. 

“Oh,” Pidge dropped their head, “I’m sorry.”

Lance turned as Hunk hurried past him towards Keith, yelling some sort of excited greeting that Keith didn’t register in this moment. Lance’s smile faltered as he saw the blood-drained and confused look on Keith’s face. He watched him say something like “just a second” to the girl, and then started in Keith’s direction. 

He took a step backwards, heartbeat thudding in his ears. 

“Keith--” Lance said in a gentle voice.

“Don’t talk to me,” Keith took another step, “Don’t ever talk to me again.”

He turned and let his feet carry him away, away, away, until he was gone and lost to the trees. The branches swatted at his limbs but he couldn’t feel it.  _ He lied to me, he lied to me, he lied to me lied to me lied to me lied to me. _

“Keith!” Lance’s voice, now falling upon his ears like razor blades, came from behind him. Keith stopped dead in his tracks and squeezed his eyes shut, balling his hands into fists like he could contain all the hurt in his palms. 

Once upon a time, a teacher had told Keith’s father that he was violent, not in control of his impulses, emotionally stunted. 

She’d been right. 

Once upon a time, Keith’s mother had told him that he was easy to love, that he was deserving of it, that the world was made for him. 

He wished that he could think that was right as well. 

“Are you-- are you fucking  _ kidding  _ me, Lance?” Keith spat through clenched teeth, turning around to face the other boy. Lance came to a stop about six feet away from him, face pale and eyes wide.

“I--”

“Stop.” Keith’s eyes narrowed, stepping closer to Lance. He pointed an accusatory finger at him, and Lance shifted back a little in light of Keith’s rapidly growing fury. “How could you do that to me?””

Lance struggled for words, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry--”

“I don’t give a fuck if you’re sorry!” Keith shouted, “Your words don’t mean shit to me!” He took another step forward and, without thinking, shoved Lance backwards. In his anger, he didn’t even register what he had done, and continued, “You fucking tricked me! You’re a piece of shit! You promise me! You… you fucking promised me, Lance!”

Lance replied hotly, “What did I promise you?”  
“That you-- you’d never leave me! But I’m sure you don’t remember because you don’t _care_!” With that, Keith placed another blow to Lance’s chest. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say--”

Keith bit his lip, “I hate you, Lance.” He spoke firmly. 

“Keith--”

“I fucking _ hate _ you!” He shouted again, shoving so far back that Lance landed at the base of a tree stump. He stared up at Keith, wide-eyed in horror and shock, until suddenly his eyes narrowed and he quickly got to his feet and--

The next thing Keith felt was his body hitting the forest floor, a sharp pain in his jaw, and a coil of sadness poised soundly in his gut. His eyes opened, and for a moment he expected them to fall upon Michael. He’s not sure why he expected so fervently to see that. Michael had switched schools years ago, right after his parents had found out about how he’d beaten up Keith after kissing him.

But now, as he stared up at a clenched-jawed Lance, shaking out his fist after landing a solid blow to the left side of Keith’s face, the sight was all too familiar. 

Keith swallowed back the small amount of blood that was pooling on his tongue. “S’that all you got?”

Lance turned and started off in the other direction. Keith scrambled to his feet, yelling, “You’re such a fucking coward!” shoving him forward. 

Lance stumbled and caught himself against a tree, the rise and fall of his shoulders indicating his heavy, angry breathing.

“C’mon! You obviously don’t give a shit about me anyway!” Keith felt his eyes watering, his body trembling. He felt so lost, so hurt. He’d given everything, all his trust and companionship to Lance and… and this is how he pays him back?

He wants Lance to break skin. He wants him to just beat the hell out of him so he can be anything,  _ anything  _ at all to him, even if he’s just a punching bag. 

He wants to feel Lance’s skin on his. He wants Lance to see him hurt. 

“Don’t be a coward, Lance!”

Tears overflowed onto Keith’s cheeks, he wiped at them angrily. Lance wasn’t allowed to see him cry anymore. 

“C’mon!” His voice broke, sinking to his knees in front of Lance, “Don’t you want to hurt me?”

Lance slowly unclenched his fists, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re seem good at it.” Keith spat. “You know what? I don’t fucking care if you want to screw her and leave me behind. Fine. I’m moving back to Korea anyway.”

Keith let out a deep breath.

Lance froze for a long second until he stepped backward and slumped against a tree, staring up at the sky. Keith dropped his head and let a sob pull him apart. 

Once upon a time, a boy had promised another boy not to leave him, that he loved him, that he wanted to be with him. 

Once upon a time, a boy found out how easy it was to be lied to. 

Once upon a time, a boy learned that loving other boys gets you just like this; bloody, crying, and on the ground. 

“I’m sorry.” Lance murmured. 

Keith shook his head.   
“I was scared and I made a bad decision.” Lance continued. 

“I don’t care.”

Lance shut his eyes, “Why won’t you let me explain myself?”

“Because it doesn’t matter, it’s already done.” 

“That’s bullshit.”  
Keith’s head snapped up, “This whole situation is fucking bullshit!”

Lance sighed. “I’m just… I’m sorry.”

“I don’t  _ care. _ ”

“You asked me to be with you, and I got scared.” Lance slid down the trunk until he was settled at the bottom of the roots, knees drawn up to his chest. 

Keith stared at him, blinking, “That’s… that’s it?” He scoffed, “You-- you fucking got scared because I asked you to be official?”

Keith recalled the night that he’d brought up the subject. Lance’s face was dimly lit in the artificial glow of his laptop screen as Keith whispered,  _ do you want to be my boyfriend? _

Lance’s response had been open-ended and cautious, and the text shortly thereafter Keith had received the text that had kept him on edge for weeks. Keith felt his anger melting away.

“That’s such bullshit.” Keith wiped at his eyes. 

“I know.” 

“If you were scared of being official, you could’ve just told me.”

“I know.”

“Instead of... going out and getting a girlfriend and cutting me off.” Keith spoke softly. Now that he understood the situation, he found it much easier to be calm. “Are you just scared to be with  _ me  _ or just… scared in general?”

Lance’s eyes were glassy. “I--I’m scared in general. And... and I didn’t want to give you an answer, so I asked my friend out on a date to just-- I don’t know, just avoid it all together. 

Keith’s eyes were narrowed, “That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard, Lance.”

Lance, despite himself, found himself chuckling humorlessly, “Yeah. I know that now.”

“You’re a dumbass.” 

“I know.”

“You  _ hurt _ me.” 

“I know.” Lance said, quieter. 

Keith sighed, allowing a pause before he asked, “You can’t have us both.”

There was a silence. Both boys stared at one another, bathed in the mottled light streaming through the trees overhead. Keith steeled himself and asked, “What’s your plan here?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“You’re the stupidest boy I know.”

“I fucking know that.” Lance bit back. 

Keith sighed, “I didn’t mean it like that. This was just a stupid, stupid idea. You could’ve just  _ told  _ me, Lance. Then all of  _ this  _ could’ve been avoided.” 

Lance nodded, “I wasn’t thinking. I was scared. Things haven’t been… haven’t been doing great since since Chris died.” Lance gestured vaguely to his head before looking away.

“Yeah.” Keith replied, sympathetic. 

“I’ve been making a lot of dumb decisions.” Lance admitted. 

“Yeah.” Keith agreed.

Lance dropped his head, “I’m… I’m just scared of  _ everything  _ now.”

Keith thought that Lance was a very beautiful, very crooked thing. Keith knew the kind creature that resided beneath Lance’s exterior. And above all, Keith knew a thing or two about being prone to malicious, impulsive decisions, and trying to push away the idea of change as best he could. 

With a sigh, he rose to his feet and walked to Lance, cradling his injured jaw. He squatted down in front of Lance, staring at him with a furrowed brow and concerned eyes. Lance’s head lifted and he gave Keith a cautious look. 

Keith gave him a firm slap to the back of the head. “I love you. You’re an idiot. And you love me, too. You don’t want to be with me because you’re going through a lot and grieving doesn’t really ever stop and I know how you get when you’re upset. You made a bad decision. You hurt me. You scared me.” Keith took a deep breath, “And… and I don’t forgive you. But you can not forgive someone and still be on their side.”

Lance’s lips twisted into a familiar smirk. 

“Don’t smile, I’m not done yet.” Keith said sternly. “I’m not yours. And, damn it, Lance, if you think a single person out there knows you better than I know you, then you’re wrong. That girl doesn’t deserve to be a…. a rebound, or whatever the fuck she is. Because that’s a dick move, to keep her hanging like this. So I’ll let you deal with this situation however you decide to.”

Lance nodded. 

“And never take me for granted ever again.” Keith finished, voice strong as steel. It was cathartic to be this frank with someone who Keith had been terribly dependent on since the beginning. Lance’s answering nod was empowering. 

“I love you.” Lance whispered. 

Keith stared at him for a long moment. “I love you.”

“I’m sorry I punched you.” 

“I’m sorry I shoved you.” 

“Truce?” Lance offered. 

Keith reached forward cupped the back of Lance’s neck, craning himself forward to place a kiss on his forehead. “Truce.” He mouthed quietly against his skin. 

Lance chuckled, “For what it’s worth, it’s nice to see you again.”

Keith rolled his eyes and got to his feet, “Shut up.”

Lance followed him up, “Are… are you really moving back to Korea?”

Keith considered, “Um, I don’t know yet. My mom offered me my old room after I graduate. It’s not a bad deal, I mean-- it’d be nice to see her. To see Areum, too.”

Lance shrugged, “Yeah, that’s fair, I guess.” 

“I’m going to ice this,” Keith prodded at the swelling side of his face. “After that, do you, um… do you want to go swimming?”

Lance nodded, “Yeah. I’d like that.” 

Keith hid his grin by turning and heading back in the direction of his house, and though part of his was glad that he and Lance had come to an understanding, he felt a whole new ball of anxiety tightening his stomach. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm thinking that year 16 will be two, maybe three parts. so this chapter is just part one of year sixteen. 
> 
> this chapter will be the angstiest chapter of year 16, imo. the next one or two will be more lighthearted. 
> 
> the next one or two chapters will also be the finale! hope you're all excited, because i am! 
> 
> (though it might be hard to say goodbye to my boys.. would you guys be interested in timestamps from the various years after this fic is completed?)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'd really love your feedback :)


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